That Librarian Look
A Dandy Dandy
Airhead
I made this with Xeth Feinberg!
Emily Dunkin Had a Little Brother
Emily Dunkin had a little brother.
She often wished to exchange him for another.
So one day when her parents were distracted,
She grabbed him, put him in the stroller and acted.
“C’mon, Harris, we’re going on a trip!”
She gave him a blankie and some juice to sip.
She took him back to the Sibling Store
Where she proudly marched right on through the door.
She told them of her dissatisfaction.
They promised to take some immediate action.
“Pick out another and you will not pay.
Leave him here. Take the new kid away.”
She then examined their wide selection
Hoping there was one that would pass inspection.
“I’ll take a look. There must be something better.
I want to act before his diaper gets wetter.”
“That blue-eyed babe?” “Well, he likes to bite.”
“Moptop there?” “Cries throughout the night.”
“Chubby cheeks?” “Sorry, puke galore.”
“Sleepy head?” “What a total bore.”
“The one with the hat?”
“Is particularly snotty…
Not only that,
He’s as mean as John Gotti.”
“This just in: a perfect pair!”
“Twins?” she said, “I could not bear.”
“Dimples may be the best in group.”
“You won’t think so when you smell his poop.”
Emily thought and came to this conclusion:
A perfect brother is just an illusion.
“I guess I’ll stick with the one I know.”
So she took him back and off they did go.
She feared the noise going up the stoop
But nobody noticed they had flown the coop.
She placed him back in his tidy crib.
Leaving not a sign of what she’d done did.
Weimar Not?
Not my usual style. Based upon a model at Thursday night life drawing at The Society of Illustrators. They often wear spiffy costumes—although I changed this a bit. What good is sitting alone in your room? Sit in a room with a bunch of other people and draw, listening to live music. You can even buy a drink, which will make your line flow a bit better.
Even though you truly think
That Valentine’s Day’s dopey
Don’t you dare forget it
Or you’ll make your lady mopey
True, it’s mostly an excuse
To jack the price of flowers
Dare to just ignore it
And her mood, it surely sours
The restaurant that you both like
Will have a special menu
Which costs much more than usual
Although it’s the same venue
Now if you wait another day
A box of chocolate’s cheaper
But that would just be tacky
Result is anger deeper
Suppose you think it’s all a trick
To get you to spend money
This is what I would advise
To satisfy your honey
Celebrate the happy day
Else you’ll risk resentment
A simple gesture does the trick
Resulting in contentment
Colored paper, Elmer’s Glue
(Not a brand endorsement)
Plus a doily or some foil
Respect romance enforcement
Make a card that’s from the heart
Using your own fingers
The payoff will be worth it
A loving feeling lingers
Handiwork is sure to look
Like something from first grade
Yet with this touching gesture
You’re certain to get laid
Put Up Your Ukes!
Bark and Ride
Pissed-Off Space Chick
#1: Now Less Obscura
I’m starting a new series of portraits of Interesting-Looking People Who Do Interesting Things. This is the first one: Evan Michelson of Obscura Antiques and the delightfully offbeat reality show Oddities. She’s also been on Craig Ferguson. Which means she is getting rather famous—at least amongst the weirdo intelligentsia. If you have any suggestions for future subjects, please comment!







