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A Table Updates You Regarding the Writers Guild Strike

by Anne on December 2nd, 2007

They came back! They surrounded me, enveloping my vulnerable wooditude with their powerful presence. And then they went away again. They say they will be back Tuesday, but will they? What have I done wrong? Have I offended in some way? I have a pleasant lemony scent! For four consecutive days of glory, writers with their fetching scarves, emboldened by viral videos, gently tapped their fingers on my reflective finish. Hidden below my artificial (but life-like) wood-grained veneer, I felt the nervous jiggling knees of AMPTP negotiators in their power suits, as they presented insincere budgetary formulae. But now I am alone again with my memories and some gobs of discarded gum stuck to my underside. (I’m talking to you, Ron Bass!) Will I ever trust again? Why does everyone keep leaving me? Don’t they know that I have abandonment issues? At least Nikki Finke sent me a jug of Murphy’s Oil Soap with a bow on it. That was nice.

From → Humor

2 Comments
  1. Bob Trombetta permalink

    Clever! Perhaps someone could develop a show about tables that have real personalities and internal lives and everything.

  2. et alia permalink

    Pardon my saying so, but I find the table’s perspective on the strike limited, if not out-and-out biased. The table’s wide-eyed (coarse-grained?) admiration for the negotiators and its puling protestations for them to return indicates the table clearly wants the strike to go on indefinitely.

    What of the chairs? The whiteboard? The carpeting? Don’t they deserve to be heard?

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