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A Table Talks About the Writers Guild Strike

by Anne on November 16th, 2007

Not a table! The table! For I am the table everyone is talking about. “Come back to the table!” That’s what everyone wants the AMPTP and the WGA to do: COME BACK TO ME! Come back, sit down, let’s discuss your differences. Come back! For I am lonely. Someone turned out the lights, and it is dark and cold in here, and I am scared.

(Disclaimer: Don’t be confused, as the table pictured above is not me, but a fair representation of my clean lines and heft. I will not reveal my exact appearance or location; I do not want paparazzi bursting in with flashbulbs blaring, possibly dulling my finish.)

Come back to the table! Everyone is talking about me. Did I mention that I am bereft? The chairs are giving me the silent treatment because I have been getting all the attention. I’m sorry! I never intended to be a player on the national scene. I was happy to provide a smooth surface for elbow resting and support for an array of yellow legal pads. But then things got out of hand.

I remained calm when Lorna Doone crumbs were spat onto my surface—a result of disbelief at the stubbornness of management. But I had a calling: to bring sides together, to promote understanding, to separate enemies (I mean….uh…friendly adversaries) when bilateral strangulation seemed inevitable. Yes, I was a bit disturbed when Nick Counter jumped on top of me and started beating his chest like a wild chimp. But I kept my cool, even when Patric Verrone’s tears of frustration resulted in irreversible surface staining.

It’s been weeks since a fresh pitcher of crystal cool water has graced my faux-wood grain. I beg of you, AMPTP and WGA, come back to the table. Because the table misses you very much.

From → Humor

  1. We fans and viewers would like nothing more for the parties mentioned in this blog posting to go back to the table. But until that time anyone is welcome at our virtual meeting place at LiveJournal

  2. David Cohen permalink

    Very funny piece. And pithy. And sad. I want that table to be happy, even if it means scratching the surface.

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